Rock me momma like a wagon wheel.

That women has been though so much, she'll be fine. At least I hope. Once again my mother the strong women she is just got cancer again. But this time it's wrose. She now has two metal polls in her back and has no feeling in her left leg so she will not be able to walk. She's been though hell with her drug addiction, poor life style and cancer bitting her in the ass off and on. All I keep thinking about is her and other people thinking I'm selfish and immature but there isn't a day that goes by and I don't think about her and hoping that I could be there. I just can't see her like this, it kills me. Tears come to my eyes even writ ting this, but in the back of my mind. i just think, she did this to herself. Someone that does crack would have health problems. I feel so bad that I can't be there for her in the way that everyone else wants me too be. I'm not that kind of person to watch their own mother die slowly. I can't take it. It's too much for me to take in at one time, it will take me days till I women up and go see her, make sure she's okay and knows that I love her so much, even though she's fucked up a lot. She always has me as her middle child. I would never leave her for anything stupid that she would do. That's my mother. People don't understand my life at all. Not only has she been though a lot, so have I because of her, or my father. Everyone thinks life is so easy or it will get better when I'm older, but who knows what will happen then. Right now in my life, it sometimes is the happiest time I've ever had and sometimes the more depressing time I've ever had. I just want my mom to know I love her and to stay strong because she is a fight and will get though this.

New York

I wanna live in New York. I want to be a part of their amazing music seen. I want my own bar where venues will be taken place and I could enjoy the indie punk seen or even the metal seen. I want to in gage in conversation with the most interesting people and just simply listen to the waves of the music going in and out of my ears. I want to enjoy coffee and the newpaper at the best local coffee shop. Where people like me go, where people like me live. I want to jump back into the 70's when everything was about sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. I want to be the daughter of all that. I want to sit in my crappy apartment and listen to The Beatles and smoke the best weed in the world. I want to live on hemp made products and not have kids till I'm old. Not get married ever. I want it to be just me and a couple of friends who know what good music is and know what life really needs. Love. Everything must have some love in it or what's the good of it? I want my room to be fulled with tapes, records and even cd's. Anybody who's anybody will be at my bar. I will always have all ages shows so that everyone can enjoy and the future youth can listen to the music that built their time. I will have my metal nights, which would be my favourite. A bar fulled with head bangers and rockers who just don't give a fuck. Or when the indie punk shows come along with the most inspiring people who know who they are. Life just sounds great like that. This is my real dream. Maybe one day it will come true.

Sleeping sickness.

It's like every month, someone who I still believe that I'm hung up on talks to me.
Should I be happy? or should I be mad?
I don't have a clue.
Of course I love my boyfriend with my whole heart but lately it's only been fight after fight and I'm getting sick of it. Sometimes I feel trapped and I can't do anything because when I do want to go out with someone else he gets mad at me. He gets mad at me over everything. Every little single thing. It's always my fault and I'm tried of getting yelled at. Isn't that why I left my dad?
Lately he just thinks that he can talk to me how ever he wants and expects me to be oky with it. But I'm not. Once I try and tell him my feelings he gets mad or doesn't seem to care.
It's scary how people can change over a short time period. He isn't the boy that I fell in love with anymore. As much as I would like to believe he is. He isn't.
Something has to change here, but how to you ask for change?
Living with your boyfriend isn't easy but, I always hope for the best.
Hope isn't dead yet, I don't think it ever will.

i love you.

I finally am in love.

for real. 4 months of happiness for the most part.

happy birthday to, me.

so, it's my birthday and I should be happy on this day but I'm not.
I'm getting kicked out tonight even though I'm moving in with my boyfriend I can't stand leaving my brother and sister.
I didn't get anything from my dad for my birthday, woot what a surprise.
I have to pack for the rest of my day really.
Go out with my sister which I hope cheers me up, prob will.
My school day was stupid, no one realize it was my birthday at all. And that sucks.
I guess, people just don't care so why should I?
I'm kinda nervous to move in to my boyfriends, I don't know what to expect.
I'm hoping everything goes good. I'm sure it will.

well, I'll leave it at that. Nothing else to say.

please help!

help me find my kitty!

she ran out of my house on saturday when I was away. She broke my window screen and ran outside. If anyone has seen her, please contact me.

She most likely would be around Woodward and Cabot Trail area.

Thank you.

hey, i'm still not happy. Cool story bro.

Life, guess what? you can fuck off. I hate you. I hate every single thing about you. Why do you have to treat me so badly. What have I ever do to you? Everything is just falling down. My heart breaks every time I hear him yell. My heart breaks every time when he tells me I'm not worth anything. My heart breaks when he tells me never to come back and that his crack whore girlfriend is better than me and would choose her over me. And, I cry, I cry. This pain is unbreakable. I can't handle this bullshit anymore. I will no longer call him my father. I will no longer go to him. I will be my own person and try to grow up fast even though that is the last thing I want. I want to live with my love. The only boy would ever understood me. But, before I can maybe do that. I have to get back on my feet and get a job. Maybe even student well fare. All I know is I can't live like this anymore and if that son of a bitch brings that woman back in here. He nor anyone in this house will see me again. I hate my life. My rules are simple but he is too difficult to see, that he's only going to lose me. Father, you can go fuck yourself with that whore because I am not with you no more.

I'm a hard girl, loving me is like chewing on pearls.

Fuck school.

Late for school once again, I just woke up since no one wanted to wake me up at seven because let's face it, who the fuck wants to get up so early? I sure know I don't.

So, I'm going to miss first and second but going to third which sucks because that's my class filled with gino faggots who fist pump the whole time and make fun of you because your a better person then them and you listen to WAY better music then them.

Too bad I have the worse of it. I always get bugged in that class, no matter what day it is.

Whatever, they can go fist pump each others asses because I don't care if they don't like me.

Deal with it. I'm alive and breathing.

I hate school, so much. I can't stand going, if I could I'd just drop out but I can't be some bum on the streets. I wanna go places in my life. Sadly, I have to take summer school. Gaay. Why did I fail math? oh yeah, I never went.

But this semester has being good really good. I've been doing really good.

I guess, I should end this and start getting ready for school... naaaaaaaaaaaah I'll get there.

Colder than my heart, if you could imagine.

So I say goodbye, to a life of hell and complete bullshit.

Last night, was the last night that I put up with other fucking stupid immature people.

My dad's cunt girlfriend ripped my house apart. Glass everywhere and broken things. Learn to control your angry you bitccch.

What did we do to you?

Nothing, you just decided to fuck shit up cause you couldn't listen to you horrible music.

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKED UP EVERYTHING FOR ME.

My father is now, poor and has to pay for everything that you broke.

Get over yourself and learn that your 35 not 15.

You can't do whatever the fuck you want, your a parent. Act that way.

THANK the lord your gone for the rest of my life, I will try to block you out of my life forever. Don't call me or pretend that you love me, because you don't.

Just leave us all alone. We don't want anything to do with you. But your kids are a different story. They are ALWAYS welcomed in my home.

The only thing that's going to bother me is, I have to lose my step brothers. I came so close to them, I actually called them my real brothers.

I'm sure they will still come around so, I don't think I have anything to worry about.

You better go to jail, you crazy fuck.

You are insane and soon you'll learn that no man has really loved you.

Don't you EVER dare to call me names or even bug me because I KNOW, I'm better than you.

I won't ever work at McDonald's. I won't ever hit my kids, I won't ever be like you.

Have fun being alone for the rest of your life, you did this to yourself.

may first, please don`t break me.

So, as most of the awesome people in the world know,

this saturday coming up is indeed the Marijuana march in toronto.

Fuck yes, I`m going with my best friends and a couple of other dirty dogs.

One of these dirty dogs is a boy who I used to have a big crush on. Now. I haven`t seen this boy in a long time and now he`s single (: finally, the day I have been waiting for.

Wait....... tooooo bad I have a boyfriend! who I so dearly love but has been scaring me off lately.

Don`t Cheat. Don`t Cheat. Don`t Cheat.

There`s no such thing as a get out of jail free card, (even though I wish there was).

The thing is, what is cheating? what actions fall under that?

I don`t even know, but what I do know is I can`t cheat.

Well, I just have to see where that day takes me.

Updates after saturday!

Fuck you? No, FUCK YOU.

So, I'm tired of fighting with my boyfriend and I'm tried of dealing with bullshit.

It was our 3 month yesterday which is a big deal for me because a boy has never stayed with me for more than a month, Anyways we didn't do anything so he made plans for us today. We we're going to go out to the local cute little ice cream shop downtown but OF COURSE, he had to fight with me.

No surprise. We always fight and I hate it. I'm done with someone making me feel like craaap.

Not happening. So, as he says fuck you to me, that's when I'm done. I absolutely hate it when someone says that to me. I walk away when he says this, I walk into my house and actually he didn't run after me...

Weird, 'cause that isn't the Joey I know.

So, Now I'm sitting here crying and writing this because some stupid boy made me feel like a total bitch for nothing.

Thanks for the awesome surprise. I really enjoyed it.

Oh is it love?

Lately, my ex boyfriend the one who everyone thinks is a loser, asshole has been coming up on my mind. A lot.

Even though I've moved on, fallen in love with my boyfriend. He still is always in the back of my mind. I guess you could say I miss him, but I rather you not.

I don't have feelings for him at all, but something is just there. I have not idea how to stop it or how to deal with it. It's been bugging me so fucking much.

All I wanted was for him to be out of my life, but every time he sees one of my friends he asks about me...

"how is she doing?"

"is she still with joey?"

"how's that going?"

Why doesn't he understand that he hurt me so much that I don't want to hear his name.

It just makes me sad and angry.

I'm done with the boy.

But these thoughts I can't get rid off and they give me the shakes.

I'm losing touch.

As we all know, the against me! and alexisonfire concert is tomorrow and I can't wait.

But as always, something has to hold me back from going,

I have the tickets but I don't have the money to get there and back.

Also I have no money to get my t shirts either.

FUCK YOU DAD.

When he gave me my tickets on christmas, he said " I'll give you $50 when you go"

but now, since step bitch moved in he doesn't have "any money" which is a total lie

because he just got paid.

So, if I don't get that money then I'm fucked. I can't go.

wish me luck.

I'm still alive, Dad.

Lately, I've found that my father doesn't realize who his own kids are.

He acts like my step mom kids are his kids, and that my siblings and I are just roommates that live in his house.

He kicked us all out the other day, just my brother, my sister and I.

He said "call your sister and get the fuck out of my house, I'm done with you assholes" .

Uhm, can I say jerk?

He needs to learn that I know he's "in love" (he's not) with my step mom but like don't treat your own blood like shit just because you get in a fight with her or one of us does something wrong. That's pathetic.

He acts like he's two and he does nothing anymore. Sleep, eat, work, eat and sleep.

He doesn't clean, or cook or anything he used to do before she came along. I'm not going to lie, I miss his cooking. I hate my step moms food compared to his. He also, complains that we do nothing. When we all have jobs in our house that we're suppose to get ten dollars a week. I haven't gotten that ten dollars in three weeks, this week will be four. So, he owes me $40.

HARD TIMESSSS!

but. I'm a strong girl, I will get thought it with the help of my friends.

Anyways, Against me and Alexisonfire concert on Sunday. SUPER STOKED!

Seeing my love, Dallas Green and hearing the rad ass songs by Against me! will make my weekend.

All roads lead to hell...

Lately, I've run into immature fucks who need to learn a lesson.
Grow up,
Get over yourself,
Leave me alone,
And
Stop thinking your better than everyone else.

'cause your not.

happy st. patty's day to me...

well, what a crapy night.
First, I can't get drunk or anything caue I;m not going to a party because no one is having one.
Second, my step mom and dad got in a huge fight and now I have to sit here and hear about it from my dad, screaming and yelling at me, when this isn't my relationship or problem. So fuck off.
Third, all of my brothers and sisters left me here all alone to deal with this shit.
you many be thinking in your mind " well then go out idiot" but I can't since, I'm not allowed to go out unless I'm with my boyfriend because it's "dark" out.
Since my step mom moved in so many stupid ass rules have came too. Like all this is bullshit and things that my dad actually doesn't care about. All my freedom is gone.
On top of everything, I have no idea where my boyfriend is so that I can leave this house.
I'm sick of hearing other peoples problems and no one caring about mine.
People need to get over themselves and grow the fuck up.

3rd time isn't a charm.

If a relationship didn't work out the first, second, third, fourth time why would you think the fifth time would work?
it makes no sence,
when you complain about not finding the right girl or having a relationship that actually works out.
Just don't come crying to me,
old best friend.

fakers and heartbreaks.

So, I hate fakes, two-faced people, heartbreaks, and just plain liars.
People in this world need to grow up. They need to learn that jealously shouldn't get the best of them. I can't stand rumors. Right now in my life, rumors are going around my town about me how I "said" that I don't actually love my boyfriend, that I use him for sex and that I want my ex boyfriend back. Which is all complete bullshit.
Next subject is fakers.
I hate them the most out of all the people I've run into in my life. They all think they're something there not and try so hard to become a stereotype because they think it's cool. People need to be who they are and not something there not.
Subject number three-
oh, two-faced people? fuck off.
I live with so many people that are two-faced. I can't stand it. People in the world don't understand what honesty is anymore. It's insane.
Subject number four-
Ginooooo Faggot's.
Learn to listen to good music and stop acting like your better then everyone else. Just because you have more money, more girls/boys or more friends doesn't mean your better then anyone else. Get over yourself.

anyways, just had a hard week so far at home and school so, this is a little bit of a rant blog!

shower me with your light.

I don't think you really understand who I am.

, this one is for the heart still beating

I've fallen back in love,
one mission for the new year complete.
Joey Mitchell,
one day you'll really see how much you mean to me.
I can't say it enough about how much I love you.
You won't leave me, you will only embrace me.
You've given up so many things for me,
you will change for me.
but please not too much.
I fell in love with the person you are,
not what you wear,
not your hair,
not your face
just your mind.
be forever mine.
♥

The ups, downs and all around's.

I actually feel that I'm going insane, I've never felt so depressed in my life.
I just feel like ending everything but I know I'm way stronger then that.
I can never give up. I'm way better then everyone who brings me down. I am dying inside these walls I call a home. I can't handle having people telling me what to do or grounding me for the stupidest things I've ever heard. Everything is so twisted in this house. Someone twist-est everything around just to get me in shit. I never really realized how much people don't care about me. My own family doesn't even care that for the past week I have been crying myself to sleep or breaking down. I feel unstable to continue this life. But, I can't leave because of those few people who do care. Those few people who do anything for me. I just need to find that peace of mind that I'm looking for. Something to help me move on with my life and not dwell on fucking immature idiots in my house. Someday, I'm just going to leave everything behind and start out new. Block everyone that has made my life hell, never talk to them again or never see them again.
I'm done.
I am not where I belong.
I need help to survive.

fucking jokeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I've heard worse from better.

Drunks, Lovers, Sinners And Saints

A lot has happend in the past week,
new boyfriend,
new step mom,
new friends,
new parties,
and lost friends.
As we all know, this boy just broke up with me about two weeks ago and again I have a new one. You can say I move on fast but I rather you not. I actually really believe this boy won't hurt me since I've been like his fourth girlfriend in his whole life, and all of the girls have broken his heart and he always brings that up. He's so scared that he's going to lose me to the point of crying over it almost every night. He calls me and cry's, he sees me and cry's and he think's of me and cry's. I know it sounds like he's always crying but he isn't. He also cares about me a lot, but he has thoughts in this mind that aren't right. Killing himself crosses his mind sometimes but when doesn't it cross our own minds? It's a normal thing, I've thought about it too but I just want him to know that isn't the answer. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary solution. He just needs to know that everything in life is going to end up okay. Hope for the best tomorrow, after hoping the best of today.
Another thing that has happend is I just got a new step mom. She is pretty chill but what comes with her is her three kids. Who I have no problem with, actually I have gotten close to two of them. They have fastly became part of the family. Now I don't agree with this whole moving in thing, but what can I do? nothing. My dad is still the huge dick he has always been so he wouldn't listen to me even if it was for the best. Since she's moved in I've been partying more and more then I was before, and I did party a lot before so image how much I do now. Which I don't have a problem with getting wasted and really high with just awesome people around me. I've made a lot of new friends who are actually really good people who I'm glad I met.
Problems,Problems and more Problems with my best friends.
One of my best friends is actually being a bitch in a half to me all of the sudden.
I didn't change or do anything to her. I miss her and my other friend too but it seems that they don't want me to be around anymore. Which makes me so upset. I also always invite them to hang out with me and the other but they're always busy. All I know is that I can't lose them over something so stupid.
So, as you can see a lot has happend in the past week. Sometimes I think I can't handle it anymore...

I'll rip that fucking dick in two.

are you fucking kidding me?
you're the biggest joke ever.
I've never met someone that can go and break a girls heart and not even give a danm.
you ripped my heart into two, now it's your time to loze.
one day the same pain will come back to you, and I can't wait for that day.
you better end up in jail for all the crimes you have done,
not only with the law but with girls like me.
how dare you even cross me like that.
don't you even touch me again,
or even act like you care
because i don't.
you're whole world is falling down into a black hole where it belongs.
you're going no where in life so grow the fuck up and man up to all the mistakes you've done.
fucking idiot.

you're my ride home.

please don't believe those jealous fuckers.
let the rumors roll out, cause you're going to be hearing more of that.
just remember you love me for me, not what you hear.

i'm in love with criminal.

oh love of mine, take my hand and hold it tight
i am yours forever, but not quite
you do bad things that make our life hell,
when all you could do is settle down with me for a while.
come with me, to find a world unimaginable
a world where there's no hate or regret just love.
please don't go into that place,
where you can get hurt, just stay with me and be happy.
baby, i'm afraid i'm falling for you.

d.m :)

so hey,
I sorta kinda really like you, a lot.
so maybe we should get together, cause baby i'm ready
so let's do it up.
maybe, you'll stay a while, at least longer then the others.
I adore you so please don't hurt me,
please prove everyone wrong,
and come stay with me, love me and never leave me.

you can't leave me.

please be okay.

don't lose touch.

You make always make me smile when I'm at my wrost.
Oh, dear, it's been hardly three days
And I'm longing to feel your embrace.

Beat Noir!

Hey you kool kat and dirty dags!
My buddy has this amazing fucking band named Beat Noir,
and I absolutly adore them.
They actually just made the top ablums of 2009!
here is that link to prove that they are amazing : http://allagesradio.blogspot.com/
also, here is there myspace link : http://www.myspace.com/beatnoirpunkrock
check these home boy's out, I promise you won't be disappointed ♥
"Don't tell me to grow up, I'm just living while I'm young!"