I've got 100 resolutions, but I've got no solutions.

Ahh, the new year.
It's time to say goodbye to 2009 and hello 2010.
I don't exactly know if I'm ready to left go of 2009,
it was pretty good to me besides the up and downs of the longest roller coaster of my life.
Even though I've had, heartbreaks, moments of regret, and emotional stress
I can always look back to so many times that I can called the highlight of my year.
For example summer'09 was the best summer so far, I fell in love with a boy.
Even though he did break my heart in the end, I still thank him for the time of my life.
I can't exactly say I have a "new year resolution" because I could name a thousand of them and I probably won't follow up on them.
So what's the point.
I rather say things that I would like to make happen in this new year of hopeful joy.
I would like to fall in love once again, with someone that will hold my heart and keep it forever.
I would like to do better in school, for I am a smart girl who just needs a push.
I would like to always hope for a better tomorrow.
I would like to not dwell on other's mistakes, for they should not affect me anymore.
I would like to be there for my family a bit more, my mother who needs me the most in her time of need, for she is dying of cancer.
I need to open my heart and mind to a new world that could most likely help me remember who I am,
remember who I love,
remember who my real friends are.
I've fucked up a lot this year, and I can only hope that everyone that I have hurt will forgive me, for I am ready for change.
My mind is the key to be all that I can be.
I have stuck with my favourite quote that will always be dear to my heart,
love acts on the hope of tomorrow.
I hope I can help so many souls with my stories in my blog,
I've been though a lot this year,
and this new year I will finally try to be happy again, as I was when I was young.
"Don't tell me to grow up, I'm just living while I'm young"
that's what I'll live by.

deadly beautiful.

"Everyone has been dying to have you, but I've been the only killing for it"
This infatuation that I seem to have on a boy is killing me,
I'm waiting for him to make the first move, he seems to like me.
But why can't he just simply tell me that?
Why do boys have to be so confusing?
He's so deadly beautiful,
his eyes are soulful,
his mind is wonderful,
he is... amazing.
Which is what he thinks of me, well that's what he says.
But who knows what is really going on inside that boy's head,
when alcohol and drugs hit it.
Woman throwing themselves at him every minute.
Why wouldn't he take it?
But I'm not the one to do that to a boy.
I don't start shit then just forget the next day.
I want a relationship,
I want him.

When will this feeling die?

I never seem to get over this one boy.
He always comes around at the best time and pulls me right back in,
And for what you may ask?
sex.
The one thing any boy would want from a girl.
I want a relationship, I want a boyfriend, I want to find love.
Why does it always seem to be so fucking hard for me?
I actually don't see anything wrong with me at all.
Maybe, I'm not the skinny, perfect teeth, blonde haired girl that every boy would die for but I am me, and I just want to find that one person that will like me for me.
Not because of what I look like, but who I clearly am.
I always seem to get my heart broken by some stupid boy who doesn't care about me at all.
They pretend like they do, but then really they just want me to go away after words.
I've always seemed to like more the one person at the same time so, there we go agian,
there's indeed another boy.
he is really such a great kid.
He's soo nice, it's crazy and he's so chill .
But, everyone has been dying to have him but I've been the only one killing for it.
We'll see where that goes.
goodbye for now, just let's hope it's all good in the end because I can't live like this anymore.

I've just seen a face.

I've just seen a face, like always.
There I go, getting myself into a battlefield of love and heartbreak.
I've just found this boyyy.
Yeah, anotherone.
I don't know how this is going to go but I'm hoping good
cause if looks could kill he'd be the one.
Just wish me luck on this one, I hopppeeee it works out.

I will be the death of you.

Falling back in love or falling back into heartbreak?
One boy that I did date back in the day is now coming back into this day and making me head over heels for him.
I don't really understand what makes me want him so much,
there's just that little something about him that makes my heart beat fast and makes me smile.
He's a good kid, for sure but he has hurt me before, by breaking my heart.
He was my first heart break, and the only one that hurt me the most.
I think that was because he was my first boyfriend who really did like me for me.
I guess that changed.
Anyways, he's changed a lot I think for the better.
He's more like me now, and I love it.
I think I see myself losing that one important thing that everyone in the world makes out to be a big deal, and yes I know you all know what I'm talking about.
I just don't want to start something so wonderful then it ending up to nor work or me once again being the one that was hurt.
But all I can really say is time will tell, and we'll see where things go.
hope for the best.

waiting on you.

holy cow, i've fallen over someone new,
he makes me laugh, he makes me smile oh if he could only stay a while.
he lives across the sea, well that's what it seems.
i miss his touch, i miss my luck.
he's different from the rest, won't hurt me like the rest.
for i am falling fake in love.
baby, i'm ready let's do it up,
but all rhe drugs he does, scare me real good.
he's way better then that indeed.
yet, i will not change him, i like everything about him.
'cause i'm shaking at your touch, i like you way too much.
so then again you're the lucky one, wait no, i'm the lucky one.
don't forget me, embrace me.