Key to my Life.

As the years go by,
I learn more about the things I care about the most,
I finally found someone that makes me feel like I'm on the top of the world.
I finally found friends that I know love me for me,
and I finally found love again.

All these things are the key to my life.

dreams do come true.

As I read the lovely words that flutter from your wonderful heart and mind.
I cry.
But not of sadness but of happiness
that I have such an amazing boy in my life
that believes that we are meant to be.

In three days,
I will be happy again.

So, here's to another better year.

My Dad is a fucking idiot.
Drinking and Driving ?
who in the right mind could do that.

Now my life is going downhill again.
but,
I have that one person who can change that for me
and I am so grateful for that.
I hope everything works out, it most likely will.
All, I can do is say thank you to that person
and he knows who he is.

I love you.

I fucking miss the boy that,
made my tears go away,
held my hand,
kissed me,
held me in his loving arms,
loved me for me
and
walked me home in the dark.

Day Old Hate.

I wish I could come home from school and a loving mother ask "how was your day dear"?



Today, I wanted to write about my mother. I'm going to wash my hands of her. I don't want to deal with her bullshit anymore. I'm done. She has done so much to me, it's unbelieveable. What kind of mother picks drugs over her own poor, helpless kids ? Well that's my mom for you. I can't really put my finger on her. Everytime I see her or talk to her something new has come up and it's always bad. When I was younger I life was really bad, sometimes It's better now with my dad. My life was great in the beginning but then the fights started and my dad left her. Soon after she started dating again. She found a new boyfriend that she was with for many years. He is the person I think I hate the most in the world. He abused me and my mom. He was the on that got my mom into her hardcore drugs and he fucked up my life. He made my life a living hell. She stayed with him for reason unknowned. We moved around a lot. We didn't have a lot of money since all the money when to drugs. Before he came into my mom's life, she was a good hearted person that I loved. She would do anything for her childern, well not anymore. Soon after my father came into the picture by taking us from that hell hole. Right after that my mom got Bi-polar disorder and has had it ever since, then her "lovely" boyfriend left her. She now was alone and had no one. She kept going down the wrong path, still on hardcore drugs and now single so she needed money so next thing in line for her was to sell herself for money. She started going to jail a lot. She was just in there in April actually. Just to sum everything up, I don't love my mom, and I don't think I will again, she's a bad person that I don't fucking need in my life.

time rolling along with the waves,

He said " I Love You"
And I totally believe him.

I know now, what is it actually like to feel loved by someone.
I know he loves me by,
him always being there for me,
calls me everyday,
does anything for me,
cares a lot for me,
helps me all the time
and never gives up on me.

He's like a part of me now, a missing part that wasn't there my whole life
but now he is and I am so grateful to have him.
I do love him as well.
very much.
Hope brought us together,
just like I knew would happen.
I would find the greatest boy in the world
and have him love me.

I love you Frank ♥

You, are all I want.

He makes my heart melt.
He makes my heart warm.
He makes me want to continue this cold selfish life,
He makes me want to do so much more.

I really want to say that I love this boy, but I don't think love is the right word yet,
I have very deep strong feelings for him and I hope he has the same or more.
I feel so free when he's by my side.
Like I can do anything my heart truly wants.
I feel like me again when I'm with him.
I have a heavy heart and he is slowly lifting it.
He's really what I have been looking for,
for a long time.
and hopefully he will be mine for a long time.
There's so many other girls out there that are better then me,
that he should have.
I feel like I'm not good enough sometimes.
That he will past me on by.
but I dearly am happy knowing that I have him to call my own.

♥

I wonder.

I wonder when I will start to love him,
I wonder when he will start to love me,
I wonder when I will tell him I love him
and I wonder when he will tell me.

I think I'm losing one of my best friends.

fuckmylife.

His lips make me fly.

Problems, Problems and more Problems.
I like this guy that my best friend may like as well.
fuckkk .
I really like this kid but I don't want to hurt my friend because it's bro's before ho's.
I think she will be understanding and let me date this young man that I so dearly like.
This whole weekend I have been with him.
He is just simply amazing, I know I have said these words about other boys too but this one's different.
I don't think he is the type of guy that would hurt you, he just trys to be there for me. Which is pretty fucking awesome.
AND I know looks aren't everything but believe me when I say that this guy is hot as hell, and I'm not the only one who thinks this trust me on that.
So he sorta asked me out last night,
and I said I would have to think about it because of my friend ^^.
I really wanted to say yes but I need to think about others too.
Ughhhh!
I just wish things were better. So that I could already go out with him.
He's a really good guy and I want him in my life.
But Like I always say, Hope is all you need.
I hope things will work out for the better
and I hope that I will be happy, for once.

Love does truly act on the hope of tomorrow.

I think I'd rather drown.

I hate being confused.
Last night I had a dream about that fucking kid. Yeah, the one that cheated on me.
The dream was we were at school and there was like a play day thing , and the girl that he cheated with me on was there and so was he. But he was there to end it with her and then came back to me, and dumbly of me I took him back and I was happy, as was he.

Now, I always think dreams mean something. There's something behind it.
Clearly and Sadly I still have feels for him and I really shouldn't.
But you can't change your heart, it does that on it's own.
I don't know what this dream means, but if you guys do, comment and tell.
Thanks.

This is from our hearts, stop pretending.

He said sorry.

I had to accept it.

I still don't like what he has done but I know some how he will try to make it up to me.

We'll see.

FIGHTWITHBEARS

I totally found myself listening to Fightwithbears.
I'm pretty sure I love them.
Check Em' Out Kids : http://www.myspace.com/fightwithbearsband
You can download them at : http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=ff14c503745336af19747bd91027d4dd93e8065e7fd968cd



Oh and Two Records I have been listening to that are awesome are ;
Homesick - A Day To Remember
and
Crisis - Alexisonfire.

It's your lost, not mine bitch.

He is fucking dead to me. I hope he never finds love again. I was lying to myself the whole time.
I can't believe the things he said about me. I hate him so much. I know he will find someone new but I know those girls will see what I saw, A lying, stupid, no good fuck. He shouldn't get anyone. I'm sure one day his life will be hell. I will laugh in his face when everything goes downhill for him. I will never, ever feel sad for him. He changed into something wrong and gross. I can just see this life right now. Him sitting in his parent's basement playing x box with little kids that will end up just like him. Maybe I'm the bad person for saying all this shit, but you know what ? I don't give a fuck. He hurt me and he needs to hear the real truth about who he is and what he has done. I don't care about him anymore. I will never cry over him anymore, he isn't worth my tears or time.
There is one person that I should thank though,
Andrew Smart.
I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you in the first place,
You were right all along about this fagit.
Thanks for being there buddy.

To sum everything up. When I fall I fall fast and hard,
and I always seem to fall for the biggest assholes ever.

I'm holding onto a fairy tale.

" Today is the greatest day of my life "
I wish I could say that some day. Hopefully soon because happiness is key. One thing I want. I think only one person can make me feel that way. This person is the greatest man I know. I'm so grateful to have him. If I didn't I really wouldn't know what to do. But sadly we aren't together any more. I miss him so fucking much. He said " we can be friends for a while then try again" but I don't think that's going to happen. He doesn't keep his word or promises. Now I hear that he is "dealing" with some other girl yet he still tells me that he likes me. The sad thing is that I can't move on from him. I don't really want to , to tell you the truth. He is everything I ever wanted, in every single way. This whole thing is just so fucked up. I think I'll just wait and see what happens. Like I always say. hope is all you need, and it really is.
If heart breaks come, that's life and I will find someone new.

hope is all you need.

the tears won't even come.

I woke up to thunder and lightinng, strange how that's the way I feel inside. Like lightinng ripped through my heart and the piece's falling on the ground make thunder nosie's.

I am broken.
I miss him.
I love him.
still.

you're a joke

he broke my heart.
end of story.

help?

So,
I'm pretty much dating a great guy.
But we have a loooot of problems.
First thing is: he never calls me, Second he wants to have sex, Thrid, we don't see eachother a lot. There are waay more things I could list but who has the time. The second one is the biggest problem. I want do it but why the fuck would I do it with him, if he's too damn scared to hold my hand? that's why I'm re thinking everything. What do you think I should do?

goodbye, you suck.

You want me out of your life? then fine. I don't know why you want this but, this is were I say I'm done.
Have a great life, you fuck.

Right now in my life, things have been going okay. Yes, he has left but I found someone who cares about me as do I to them. I feel that the hole once made in my heart is getting filled as he is away by someone I love.