Rock me momma like a wagon wheel.

That women has been though so much, she'll be fine. At least I hope. Once again my mother the strong women she is just got cancer again. But this time it's wrose. She now has two metal polls in her back and has no feeling in her left leg so she will not be able to walk. She's been though hell with her drug addiction, poor life style and cancer bitting her in the ass off and on. All I keep thinking about is her and other people thinking I'm selfish and immature but there isn't a day that goes by and I don't think about her and hoping that I could be there. I just can't see her like this, it kills me. Tears come to my eyes even writ ting this, but in the back of my mind. i just think, she did this to herself. Someone that does crack would have health problems. I feel so bad that I can't be there for her in the way that everyone else wants me too be. I'm not that kind of person to watch their own mother die slowly. I can't take it. It's too much for me to take in at one time, it will take me days till I women up and go see her, make sure she's okay and knows that I love her so much, even though she's fucked up a lot. She always has me as her middle child. I would never leave her for anything stupid that she would do. That's my mother. People don't understand my life at all. Not only has she been though a lot, so have I because of her, or my father. Everyone thinks life is so easy or it will get better when I'm older, but who knows what will happen then. Right now in my life, it sometimes is the happiest time I've ever had and sometimes the more depressing time I've ever had. I just want my mom to know I love her and to stay strong because she is a fight and will get though this.