What's cooking good looking?

haha,
wow.
you are a two faced liar.
How could you do this to me?
Try and go for one of the most important people in my life?
so low of you.
You know, she is only going to lead you on then break your sorry ass heart?
well, yeah that's what's going to happen.
All I try to do for you is look out for you
and you don't even care.
You said you were still going to talk to me and still be there but where are you?
Telling me shit, then going and telling others something different.
You are becoming what you hate.
I never in my life, thought that you would be like this.
You are so much better then that, you say you're not like other guys, but really you are.
"You said you hate my suffering And you understood And you’d take care of me You'd always be there Well where are you now?" - Bright Eyes.
That's how you are.
You should feel sorry for everything you have done to me.
My life has been going downhill since you left but I,
I will stop that because I am better then that.
I didn't write this to make you feel bad or make you feel sorry for me,
just look out with her, she just wants to hurt you.
I am sorry for everything.
but as you should be too.

Life is an experiment.

Life, is something I used to hate.
Now, I have really opened my eyes.
There are so many great things in this world you just need to find them.
You'll find love, that's what I keep saying to myself cause I believe I will,
no, I am not over my ex and yes, I want things to work out between us but if they don't,
ha, that's not my lost. It's his.
I've truly now found friends that care about me and I see who is really those friends.
The ones that were there for me when I was in my dark times and the ones that are still there for me now.
I've lost one friend that meant a lot to me at one point but now, I feel like I cannot deal with her anymore, everytime I'm with her I feel so bad and I really don't need that. So goodbye to that.
I've made a new friend tho and I'm really glad I have her now too.
Things happen for reason, and you don't know those reason but believe me they are there.
Heart break, death, happiness, hurt, love and dreams.
These things are a part of life and you have to live them to have a life.
If everything was perfect then that would just suck.
I rather have my problems then have nothing.
A hard life makes you stronger, I am strong. I have what I need to move on to something
that I love or will make me happy.
Everyone has a life to lead and I think I know what I want in this world.

Screaming Infidelities

"I'm reading your note over again, There's not a word that I comprehend, Except when you signed it:"I'll love you always and forever"

This is were I am now. Unhappy and confused. You said so much about how you love me and now it's all gone. I can't believe this. You lying to yourself and you know you miss this.

You miss every single thing.

I can feel it.

I can heal it.

Just let me back into your life, like I was.

and everything will be alright,

I promise with all my heart,

I'm trying my best,

And I still love you for everything you are.

I'm sorry for these words.

How can I explain all this emotion that has past me all week long?
I can't.
Only one person know's how this feels and that's him.
Because he has been though the same thing as he is putting me though.
Maybe it isn't as bad but it's like the same.
The same heart break that he has had, is now happening to me.
He knows the pain I am going though.
The thing that bugs me the most is does he even care?
does he even see how he has done something so bad to me ?
does he see that this has happend to him before?
and is he even taking this hard at all?
I don't know anything because he won't open up to me anymore like he used too.
I can't just ask him these things although that's all I want to do when I talk to him.
I want to talk about everything.
but he doesn't want to.
well I guess that's too bad for me.
I lost someone important, I lost someone I love.
What will happen when I see him next week?
I will maybe cry, I will maybe hurt
but we'll have to see.
I miss him, and I think he knows that.

Boy in purple hat.

I'm losing sleep, I'm losing heat.
I feel so sick because of the one that breaths.
I look oh so pale, I feel oh so rare but yet I bare to speak the truth about how I feel.
Is it madness or is it just the beer?
Don't say things you don't mean cause all I am is a broken dream.
You broke my heart, you broke my peace but that is fine because I'm yours to keep.
The first time you kissed me, how magical it seemed but now I wonder if it was even the real thing.
These thoughts of you can not be beat, I dream a dream of you and me.
You are the one I love, the one I need.
Your still my light, your still my sun since I will forgive you, yes I will
but right now I feel so ill.
I miss the boy, who made me speak
Clearly I still love that boy in the purple hat.
Yet I am not alone, and I have hope.
One day it maybe again but until then
I'm losing sleep.

I lost the one boy I loved,
I touched,
I need,
I want,
My first.

These days before you speak to me, you pause.

So much to say in so little time.
I am trying to change for someone that I love so dearly.
It's hard but I believe I can do it, no matter what.
He doesn't love me anymore.
Which breaks my heart to hear or say.
I don't understand, everything was going so good and now all of the sudden things change?
You don't wake up one morning and say to yourself, I'm not going to love this person anymore.
I really don't want to lose this boy.
He's done a lot for me and I have done things for him too.
I stick up for him, I love him, I try to make him the happiness guy in the world and I would do anything for him.
Why can't he see that anymore?
As I read the words that came from his mind in his blog, I see that he does love me and care.
I still kinda think he does.
I wish I could just talk to him and work everything out.
But he will come to me when the times right.
All I can do is hope for the best.
I think it will work out.
No, I don't think, I know. He is such a good hearted person, he would never break my heart.
I know there are somethings about me that you may not like but that's who you fell in love with.
Every annoying, dumb thing I do, is me.
I will try and stop since that's what you want.
but please know that I love you and I will stand by you if you need me.
I understand and care.
but I'm breaking down.
All I can say is that I fell in love with an amazing boy and I'd hate to lose.
I cry Frank.

Your words are like knives

They peel my skin and pierce my soul

- Dallas Green of City and Colour.

♥

Every word that comes from your wonderful mind and heart stays with me forever.

Don't Blink, They won't even miss you at all.

So last night I came home from a lovely day with my best friend.
Turns out that day wasn't so lovely at all.
As I walk into my living room I see her.
The one woman that makes me sick.
She looks sick,
She looks skinny,
She looks crazy.
As she is all these things.
I quickly went to check her bags to check for drugs but nothing.
I was shocked.
She doesn't say a word to me, so I walk away to my room.
In my mind I laugh at this woman that I so call my mother.
Her state of mind is unsafe.
I walk downstairs again, to only find her walking around my house in a cricle, never stoping.
This woman is Fucked.
I don't simply care anymore.
I just look back on the past of our life together, and remember who she really is.
Never again, will I love this woman.
I don't think I can even call her mom anymore.

Please Know, I'm yours to keep.

I am so disappointed in myself.
I cry as I read the cold hearted words that come from your beauiful mind that I dared to fall in love with.
but yet who egged you on to this maddnes?
me.
all me.
You say, your the wrose boyfriend in the world but I beg to differ
more like I'm the wrose girlfriend in the world because I know so.
What have I done for you?
nothing.
What have you done for me?
everything and anything.
I pick at the littlest things to make you and I mad or upset,
I seem to be starting to turn into the one I hate. My father.
Picking, picking, and picking at things that should just be left alone.
But I do blame myself, for holding on to what I think will keep you by my side.
When really I just need to open my eyes and see you are the one that I love so much.
I love you and never, ever forget that my sunshine.

Boiled Love.

Sometimes, I don't know what to feel.
I'm turning into something I never wanted to be.
I do to many foolish things that get me no where.
All I do is nag and take things for granted.
I'm scared I'm going to lose the one person I love the most.
He's all I got.
He's everything I need.
If I don't have him, I truly will be lost going down paths I shouldn't take.
I hate fighting with the one I love,
I hate fighting with the one I touch,
I hate fighting with the one I fear,
I hate fighting with the one I need.
Life's like a locked box,
when you find the key and open it you will figure out the meaning of it.
I think I found my key and that's him.

acton is the place to be.

The past 3 days have been amazing,
I do really see now how much my wonderful,amazing,awesome,sweet boyfriend really cares and loves me.
I am so fucking grateful for him I can't even discribe it.
He's so good to me and I couldn't ask for anything more.
But I do miss him a lot,
to the point that I cry when he isn't around, he isn't there to hold me, when I am in pain or
when I really truly need him.
He does soooooooo much for me and I don't understand why?
I'm not that great to have such an unbelieveable person like him in my life.
He could do so much better than me but yet he doesn't.
Which I wonder why me ?
The look in his eyes before he kisses me is magic.
His eyes are his soul, and I'm happy that he is letting me into that soul.
He is the reason why I breath, the reason why I live.

I am Scared.

I am scared.
Scared of something that I will do today that I may love or hate.
There's a First time for everything,
and I know I'm ready
but there is still something holding me back from doing this thing that I want to do.
I know everything will be okay and it will be one of the best nights of my life
but I am scared.

"I wish I could do better by you, Cause its what you deserve. You sacrifice so much of your life, In order for this to work. While I'm off chasing my own dreams, Sailing around the world, Please know that I'm yours to keep, My beautiful girl. When you cry a piece of my heart dies, Knowing that I may have been the cause, If you were to leave, fulfil someone else's dreams, I think I might totally be lost. You don't ask for no diamond rings, No delicate string of pearls, That's why I wrote this song to sing, My beautiful girl."


This song reminds me of the one who warms and fills my heart ♥

I'm screaming inside.

The other day, I was reflecting on my life
and I realized how much I really truly hate it.
I'm so sick with where I live,
I'm so sick with the people I live with
and I'm so sick of just simply people.
Everything in my life just got to my head.
I'm just done.
Done with this life I have to live.
No one deserves my life.
It's mostly filled with hate.
It's filled with love when it wants to be and that is when I am around those few people that make me happy.
One of them would be the best thing that has ever happend to me which is my amazing boyfriend who I can count on all the time, no matter what.
He is one of the only people who really understand me and my life.
There's also my three best friends.
Without them, I don't think I could move on.
I just want everything to be okay.
which right now, I don't know if that will happen.

It'd break my heart, if we fell apart.

it's extraordinary how much one girl can love

one boy so much, it's mad.

you make it seem so easy to love me

for who I really am.

Ghost Of Your Lies.

It's amazing how the person that brought you to life can be such an asshole.
My dad is such a dumb fuck.
I hate him with all my heart.
The things he does to me and my family is unbelieveable.
How can a man put soo much hurt into one person's life ?
All he does is lie.
His kind of truth is the ghost of his lies.
He also just blames other people for his own mistakes.
But deep down he know's what he has done wrong and won't live up to it.

Cross My Heart.

This past weekend has been one of the greatest joy's in my life.
I was with the one that I know really loves me.
He makes me smile even when it's a sad time.
As he wipes the tears falling from my eyes I remember how much I love him
and how I will miss these happy moments in our lives that we share together.
When I'm with him, I have no worry.
I forget about all the bad things in my life and just focus on him.
Because now, he is my life
the one thing I live for.
I will try to be better for him
and try my hardest to make him happy.
If anything goes any different, I will blame myself for the foolish things that I do.
I hope he knows that he is the only boy that I think about, the only boy that I love and the only boy that I miss.
I promise I love this boy,
I even cross my heart.

I hope your happy as yourself.

The boy that I love,
doesn't seem to like himself that much.
For reasons I don't understand.
He is such an amazing person
that he should love.
His self-esteem isn't that high but it should be
because I love him for everything he is.
Everything he is,
is everything I ever wanted in every single way.