love is all i really know,

Love,
one thing that i want so much,
and do i have it ?
not at all.
i did once and it was just great, but then that person let me be alone in the darkness.
broke my heart, and broke my soul.
I blame myself for everything that has happend in my old relatioships and my home life.
So, my home life. It's the wrost thing in the world for me. My parent's try and bring me down with them. They don't care about me in anyway. Sometimes i don't even think they love me.
Which i'm pretty sure, they don't. I live with my dad, he's a fucking drunk. My older sister. which isn't bad, i know if i really needed something then i would go to her and my little brother that i just hate.
I don't see my mom at all, she is bi-polar.
She is also into hard-core drugs too.
She is mostly in jail, or just in a shelter. She doesn't call me, or try to contact me.
I have to do everything for the people I love yet they don't care about me.
I really want to find someone that can be my escape from this hell hole that I live in.
I thought I found that person, but clearly that didn't go down so well.
Now, I really like these two people but knowing me I always like someone that doesn't feel the same way back.
The first guy, tells me " oh i don't know who I like " when clearly he likes my best friend.
The Second guy is just.. amazing. I feel that i connect with him on a high level, but again there is a problem. He isn't single, and i'm pretty sure it's going to be like that for a while.
So there I go again, having no one.
I don't want people to have sympathy for me at all.
I just like writing down How I feel.
I know what love is, i just want someone to love me for me, nothing more.
I have really low self-esteem, I don't really like myself or the way I look.
But this is my first so, it might be bad
But thanks.